The Explanation
by Aunt Kathy
Summary: J/7. Post-Endgame. Kathryn is alone and thinking over what she has recently learned about Seven of Nine.


Disclaimer: I don't own either of them.

A/N: The beginning [up to 'never having meant to'] is a drabble I've been meaning to publish for some time now. But I felt it needed more of an end than that.

I have never been very good at expressing my thoughts myself. So, I got these two to do it for me.

I hope you like it.

* * *

She stares out at the stars, and they are finally stars she recognizes.

_I've done it. We're home. I should be happy, ecstatic, relieved, elated. But I'm not. I don't feel any of that._

All she can feel is the bitter pain in her chest and the shaking of her hands. She has never felt so alone, so vulnerable as she does right now. But the arms she so desperately wants to seek solace in are not available to her. _And they never will be._

_She's gone. I have lost her. I drove her away, despite never having meant to. _

Lost to another person. A man at that.

When the admiral told her she had a hope of ignoring it, of pretending that it couldn't be real, a ruse, a way to get her to face her feelings. But it was the stone-cold truth. But it took her to see the two of them kissing to believe it.

_I have lost her. And nothing I can do will ever bring her back to me. _

The chime rings.

"Come in." Her voice shakes as she calls out across the ready room.

She hears slow footsteps, ones that she has memorized. Ones that she knows she may never hear again.

"Hello, Seven."

"Captain, I have a question."

She hears a tremble in Seven's voice and realizes how nervous Seven is.

_I want to help her, to reach out to her, but I don't think I can turn around and hide my feelings from her._

"Go ahead, Seven." She doesn't turn around, but continues to stare out at the stars through the viewport. One of them is Sol. One of them marks her home. But any joy she might be feeling right now at that thought is eclipsed by the black hole she can feel in her chest. She might be home physically, but she knows that her world is gone forever.

"I wish to ask you a question, Kathryn."

_Kathryn? She never uses my given name._

She swallows as she turns around, looking through the haze of unshed tears and the gloom of her quarters at the woman in front of her.

"What is it, Seven?" Her trembling voice is soft as she asks, concern winning out over any ill will that she may ever have harbored towards the other woman in the room. If Seven is hurting she wants to help her, not to lay blame with her. _Blaming anyone isn't going to help._

"I would like to know if you are free later."

"Free?" She is somewhat confused by the question.

"I believe that you once told me that you would someday take me to Indiana, to 'show me your hometown'. Given the four months of leave that every crewmember has been given I assumed that this might be an appropriate time for me to ask if this is still your intention."

"Seven, for you there is no inappropriate time." She blanches as she realizes that the words were spoken out loud. This seems to be a habit when she's talking to Seven. "But I thought that you would be spending your time with Chakotay."

"Why would you think that?" She can see that Seven is angry, her ice-blue eyes blazing in anger.

"Well-" she begins, but Seven cuts across her.

"If you are concerned about the… _brief_ romantic affiliation that I shared with the commander, I feel I must inform you that it has been terminated." The last word is the quietest that Seven has uttered the whole time she has been in the captain's quarters, but it is the one that tugs at the other woman's heart the most. She never meant for any harm to come to Seven from her relationship with Chakotay, regardless of what her instinctive reaction might have been to it.

The hurt she can see in the pale blue eyes is staggering.

"I'm so sorry, Seven."

"I am not."

Her mouth falls open at this. Seven sees the confusion play across her face and endeavors to explain.

"I am not sorry that the relationship has ended, merely that it was ever initiated."

"How so?" Her curiosity has peaked now.

"It was a mistake. My feelings for the commander were… misleading. I believe that I was trying to overcompensate for feelings I felt towards another."

_Get a grip, Kathy! She could mean the Doctor for all you know._ "I see."

"For you, Kathryn."

"What?" She is so quiet that, were it not for Seven's enhanced Borg hearing, she never would have heard it.

"I have feelings… for you."

"Oh."

Seven swallows before she speaks, her throat unnaturally dry. "So, with that in mind, would you be willing to answer my earlier question?"

"What question?" She has completely forgotten the rest of the conversation.

"Do you still want to show me your 'hometown', Kathryn?"

"Nothing would please me more, Seven." Only Seven could do this; only Seven would return moments after she gives up all hope. Moments after she resolves to try and move on_. For all the good it would have done._ She can feel her heart return, thumping wildly against her ribs. "But I have one condition."

Seven cocks her ocular implant.

"Don't call me 'Kathryn'. Only Chakotay and my parents have ever called me that."

"But then what am I to call you?"

"I'm sure that 'Kathy' will do just fine until we find something better."

"Of course… 'Kathy.'"

She can feel the wide grin spread over her face. Walking over to Seven, she wraps her arms around her waist and hugs the younger woman tightly.

Seven simply hugs her in return. _I still can't believe this._

"Kathy?" She hears a whisper in her ear.

"Yes?"

"Can you forgive me?"

She leans back into Seven's embrace, and looking up into her companions eyes she given the answer she knows is from the heart.

"My dear, dear Seven. There is nothing to forgive."

* * *

Thank you for reading.


End file.
